assbutt-in-the-garrison:

penceyprepofficial:

when I was like 9 my neighbors asked me to watch their fish and cat while they went on vacation and I was like “lol k” and while they were gone tHE FUCKING FISH DIED so when they got home I apologized to the mom and she was just like “no need to apologize, I turned the filter off so they would die because they are too much work. You did nothing wrong” and she gave me 20 bucks and that is the story of my first contracted murder

your first…?

(Source: penceyprepofficial, via heliolisk)

theonion:

Lifeguard Would Save Drowning Man, But Who Is He To Play God?
mechtoast:

aobunz:

a beautiful pair of bobs

i didnt even laugh, i just cried

mechtoast:

aobunz:

a beautiful pair of bobs

i didnt even laugh, i just cried

(via ruinedchildhood)

#397

leagueofproblems:

every damn team

*Rubs your clit as a friend*

(Source: validx2, via chemical-lust)

ry-buscus:

Anon: Have you had sex today?

Me: well I played a ranked game that fucked me pretty hard

(Source: rybuscus, via chemical-lust)

du4ne:

me liking your selfie could either mean “that’s a nice picture friend” or “i want to bend you over a table” but you’ll never know

(via beyondthebooty)

jollyidiot:

I have reblogged this at least a thousand times

jollyidiot:

I have reblogged this at least a thousand times

(via beyondthebooty)